Slumber

A quiet Sunday morning, birds singing, not much to do for these people camped at the Feilding Motor camp. Most trailer parks are slightly depressing places, this one most of all because its surrounded by big old Macrocarpa trees - not alot of Sun on any Sunday

Apiti Windfarms

These Wind Turbines sit on the hills behind Palmerston North and can be seen for miles. By world standards they overgenerate - due no doubt to the strong winds that pass difrectly from either Australia or deep in the Southern Ocean, pass over this thin strip of land on their way to Argentina which is the next landfall. Over 100 of these turbines exist with more on the way. New Zealand has no nuclear energy, relying on Hydro, Coal and Gas for most of our needs. Each of these blades is 45 metres long (about 130 feet) and the nacelle (little house behind the blade) is the size of a single-car garage

The Ribbon

This is an old picture, taken of my father on Te Horo beach. The image has special meaning for me because it was taken shortly after we reconciled. I finally had the courage to forgive him and tell him I loved him. Long story of stubborness between proud men...

I knealt on the wet sand and shot towards the light, the setting sun making the foam and sea irridescent. He appears to be "listing" because of the wide angle lens ( Nikon 20mm on uprated Tri-x)

The photo reminds me that we are, as people, often alone with our thoughts and feelings following an invisible ribbon in our life that cannot be explained to others. It is our path, unravelled behind us and extending into the future.

Just a few months after this image was shot, my father died. But I will not forget this day when we walked together, spoke together and our ribbons entwined for the first and last time.

Delivering Snow

The Ruahine Ranges are very close to home and until a few months ago we lived 600m up the slopes just to the right of this image. It's winter of course in the Southern Hemisphere giving this picture a very moody and almost monochromatic look. Leica with 400mm telephoto

Comments

Lately my images are all digital as there was an extended period where I could not operate a darkroom, and I detest other people processing my film. So there is a large gap between my old arty work and what I do now. Ive gone from shooting over 500 films per year and hand creating a small number of prints -to managing just a few thousand digital captures per year. Digital is quicker,far more 'disposable' and I like it for that.

But some of the black and whites I will share here have taken hours/days and many sheets of paper to produce what you see. They are not accidents, but carefully crafted. While I like to paint Im not very good, and photography remains my best medium.

Consequences

I visited the Blog of Katie Azar recently , who was commenting on the price of coffee. It got me thinking about what has value in our lives. Im a caffeine fiend ( a caffeind?) and would pay any price for a good coffee that brings my DT's to bay.
You should visit Katies site (listed on my Blogroll) - she and her husband have a healthy perspective.

But everything we do in our lives carries a price, everything we do not do; say and do not say. A recovering alcoholic pays the price daily trying to hold on to the 12 steps. A mother pays the price in sorrow and joy for having kids . Having a job to pay the bills means a sacrifice in free time. Saying harsh words we later regret but do not retract, carries a price. Faith has a price...

Sometimes the price is one we can afford,sometimes it's not. When I was 18 I had a son who died sadly three months later. He would have been 28 this year ! I thought I had reconciled my sorrow, yet all these years later the price still weighs with me in those quiet moments. The debt though old, is unpaid on some level, unreconciled. No regrets or guilt, just loss.

The point I'm making is - be sure the price of your actions, the value of your words, are affordable. Be honest in dealings with people, stand by your word, say what you truly feel and live without regrets. Now in my mid 40's, I am at my most happy and content in the whole of my life.

Te Ohu and Pamuiti , Ruahine Ranges

This was our backyard up until a few months ago. The Ruahine Ranges in the background up in the Pohangina Valley. Pretty rugged up there - deer and pig to be hunted in the backcountry. I have very mixed feelings about these images - for me , I can smell the warm grass, hear the crickets signal Autumn approaching , see the clouds blow through, and distant sounds of cattle.

No matter where Kim and I go in this world, the five years we spent here will go with us always.
We learnt an awful lot about ourselves , and the goodness of people that still exists in the remote countryside........

These are two of last years lambs. Despite the tireless bottle feeding, the extra medication warmth and love they received, one of the little girls didnt make it (top photo). The one looking at you in the bottom photo was quite delicious at Christmas.

Lambs are funny things - even the healthy happy one sometimes lose the battle for life, and we learnt the hard way not to get too attached to them, just in case. Living in the country for five years was a huge learning curve neither of us will ever forget or regret. It taught us both the value of simple pleasures - like the smell and sounds of wee woolies like these

Fulfilment

Why is it that my eyes look to the horizon ? I seek the unknown, as if what I have already is not enough; As if I doubt the value of all that has gone before in my life and need the reassurance of that which I do not yet possess.

Standing on this hilltop near my home, the wind savages me, my eyes blister from the cold and I am refreshed. Yet I am not renewed.... there is a question unanswered,beyond reach in my wakeful state and haunting in my sleep. What lies beyond the horizon looking North?